A Foul Day

It moved! I swear on my mother’s grave I saw it move! Glancing up, I scan the faces surrounding the table trying to determine if anyone else saw the jerking motion. No one seems to have noticed; they’re all laughing and drinking, chattering away happily while waiting to be fed.

I blink a few times to clear my eyes. I’ve been working too hard lately, putting in too many hours, that’s all. I raise the carving knife and fork once more, preparing to plunge them into the bird trussed before me. It fucking moves again! This time with an accompanying slopping sound. A bead of sweat breaks out on my upper lip; my wife is staring at me hesitantly. With both hands now resting on either side of the beast, I take a few slow, deep breaths to calm my overwrought nerves. A slight nudge comes from my right. It’s my wife, a strained smile on her face; she nods toward the foul creature. I nod back.

Bringing the arm with the fork up, I dab at the dew above my lip and make an off-hand comment about it being roasting in here. Everyone laughs. A small shake of my head, I exhale and raise the knife once again to begin slicing the meat. As the gleaming instruments near the platter, I hear a voice in my head. ‘Go on ya piss-ant piece of shit – cut me open. Show everyone what a big man you are and gut me. Gut me like you gutted your wife when the doctor told her there was no physical reason you couldn’t get it up. Ya don’t have the balls to stick it to her, and you don’t have the balls to stick it to me either!

What the fuck? My knees nearly buckle and my wife reaches out to steady me. I jerk my arm away. The room grows quiet, the tension nearly palpable. I toss out another remark meant as a joke; the responding chortle is terse, fraught with unease. My wife is no longer smiling; she looks worried. I try to reassure her with a smile of my own, but a bare shake of her head lets me know she’s not buying it. ‘Ya know, she doesn’t have any faith in you anymore, right? She was expecting to marry a man, and look what she got – you! She knows about Terry, too.’ I almost utter a response but choke on my own spittle instead. ‘Yeah, that’s right. She knows you’re sticking it to that bitch from work. She knows you been doin’ it for the past month when all you’re bringin’ home is that limp fish in your pants, she just doesn’t wanna ruin this family get-together-thing. Your ass is outta here as soon as they’re gone, buddy!

Sure that I’m pale as a ghost, I lean on the table for support once more. My head hanging, limbs trembling; the nervous tick of the fork tapping against a glass the only sound in the nearly silent room. My wife reaches over again and lays a hand on my forearm. I lash out to shove her away, forgetting that I’m holding the carving knife. We stare at one another in shock for a heartbeat before her body crashes forward into the china, her throat sliced ever so neatly from side to side. As the crimson of her blood mixes with the pumpkin colored hue of her favorite tablecloth, a slight gurgling is all that resounds. I look on in horrified disbelief, then one of the children lets out an ear-piercing screech. The demon starts again, ‘Ha! Look what you…

I begin stabbing it with the fork, maniacally ripping it to bits while screaming incoherently. Everyone in the room is staring at me like I’ve gone insane. I try to explain about the turkey… about not realizing I was still holding the knife… about the pressure I’ve been under… but there isn’t a sympathetic eye to be found. ‘You know what you have to do, don’t ya? If you don’t, they’ll lock you up in the loony bin again.’ An icy cold sheet of acceptance washes over me as I move to the doorway, blocking my teenage brother-in-law from escaping.

I was really hoping this family would be different, not like the last…

~ Nina D’Arcangela

© Copyright 2014/2015 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved.

26 thoughts on “A Foul Day

    1. Thank you, Jon! I (and I think I have to qualify this as unfortunate in any circumstance other than creative writing) do violent and psychotic like a fish swims in water – far too naturally! lol And I love me some horror/humor! 🙂

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  1. Nina, your story is absolutely a gem! So quirky, so devious, so tongue-in-cheek…and I SO love it!! 🙂 If only the turkey behaved that way when my in-laws came over for Thanksgiving lol The irony of your story is delicious, and you nailed it, start to finish, perfectly!

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    1. Thank you, Joe! I’ll put in an order for a psycho-bird for your next family gathering! This kind of Turkey isn’t just for Thanksgiving anymore… it’s for any overly stressed/under appreciated individual who doesn’t mind a little wet-work. Cleanup is a bitch though. I’m glad you loved it – it was ridiculously fun to write! :}

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      1. Thank you, Blaze! Yeah, as I mentioned to Joe, the wet-work and cleanup on this sort of celebration can get a little dicey! LOL – The Turkey was the star of the show, no doubt – especially with that Brooklyn accent! It’s hard to find good poultry these days (and I mean well-behaved, not yummy!) *more chuckling and a gracious bow of thanks* 🙂

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    1. LOL – yup, this one was definitely a short stroll off the farm! And if I dare admit it, made me giggle as I wrote it! It was a very cathartic piece – for me, and them! (see, I just can’t be serious about it – too much fun!) Thank you very much, Magenta!! ;]~

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    1. This was a ton of fun, Thomas. Nothing serious about it, just a blow-off piece that was a blast to write. Diversity in voice is something I find necessary for myself; if I can’t hack and slash every now and then, what kind of horror chick would I really be? Thank you, dear LDP!!! 😀

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    1. Thank you, Renee!! Cranking a piece to imminent implosion is a something I really enjoy doing. The ending, well… that family just wasn’t making the grade, so they had to go! lol – Thank you again, very much. I truly appreciate you taking the time to comment. 🙂

      (And my sincere apologies for the late reply – as I mentioned earlier in the comments, my eyes have been the ‘turkey’ in my world as of late!)

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  2. Nina, I’ve been terribly naughty and it’s been far too long to leave a story without a much-deserved comment. I loved the story! Many people have issues with their in-laws, but I do believe this remarkable individual has fallen upon a clever, if not morbid solution.

    So much fun to read! Great crescendo, I felt every second of it, and then BAM! Let’s get to carving!! *wicked smile*

    Loved it!

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    1. You think you’ve been tardy with your comments? I’m well beyond excusably late in responding with ‘thank you’s’ to everyone. But – I’m having a good eye day – so let the carving begin!!!! You think I can package this as a Holiday Defense Strategy? People buy those dancing Santa dolls; this can’t possibly be more offensive… LOL – it was a blast to write, I giggled through most of it, and it came far too easy. I may have a few issues to work out! *more laughter*

      Thank you, Zack! I’m really happy you enjoyed reading this silly little bit of psychotic fun. Truly appreciated, TE!! ;}

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