Utterly Shattered

Why must I feel so utterly shattered when smashed upon your jagged edge? Why can you not let me fall into the beautifully delicious pain that exists inside you – pain that has been waiting for me to find it for so very long? You hide such an exquisitely luring anguish from me, thinking I cannot see it – but I see it with my very essence – my entire being; I see it in the blink of your depthless eyes even when not at your side; I feel it in every breath you draw whether that breath be taken roughly in my ear or drawn in a spat of anger at all the world has made of you.  I long so desperately to be near you, to revel in your darkest pangs, your deepest wounds, your most hidden crevasses where your shadows stretch the longest.

My soul is no longer in my own keeping as it has already been fully engulfed by you – it is given with utter bliss and unhindered submission, bowing to your every whim and fancy.  My pain is yours to have, my pleasure yours to give or withhold. I beg of you to open your shadowed darkness and let me submerge myself, gulping it in as though it were my own life’s breath; for it is, as I cannot be without you any longer.

Give to me all that I would allow you to take from one so undeserving as I.  I offer you a glimpse of the salvation you have sought at only the cost of my own damnation. Why must you hide in a darkness you feel is precious only to you? My darkness is equal to that of yours and calls out in pain to touch, to merge, to become one with that mournful depth which dwells within you.

Ahhh, tears burn my eyes to think of the ecstasy that awaits the lost such as we. Am I never to attain such glorious freedom while you exist in your own self-imposed exile? Be all to me that your inner demon demands I be to you, suffocate me with your needs; for I need not the air I breathe so much as I need the nearness of the beast that rages within you. Your touch, your embrace, your longing – your anger, your angst, and your pain; these things are my gleaming gems, my most sacred desires – the currency of an aching soul unearthed from the roughest of stone I did not know existed before you.

Drag me into an eternity of damnation where I will languish in your exquisite tenderness… a tenderness that rends my heart to pieces and releases the overwhelming restraint I have kept in check for what seems all of time.  Strip away my mask and bare my most inner desires that I am not able to unleash with any other than you. Take me farther into the reaches of madness that will consume what is left of my sanity for I need not think when you are near, I must only be.

This is my treasured wish; this is my undisguised want; this is what you have made of me. Be for me, as I am only for you…

skull_fangs2~ Nina D’Arcangela

© Copyright 2015 Nina D’Arcangela. All Rights Reserved

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About Nina D'Arcangela

Nina D’Arcangela is a quirky horror writer who likes to spin soul rending snippets of despair. She reads anything from splatter matter to dark matter. She's an UrbEx adventurer who suffers from unquenchable wanderlust. She loves to photograph abandoned places, bits of decay and old graveyards. Nina is co-owner of Sirens Call Publications, co-founder of the horror writer's group 'Pen of the Damned', and if that isn't enough, put a check mark in the box next to owner and resident nut-job of Dark Angel Photography.

24 responses to “Utterly Shattered”

  1. jonolsonauthor says :

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    This week from Pen of the Damned comes UTTERLY SHATTERED by Nina D’Arcangela

    Like

  2. Joseph Pinto says :

    Pure exquisiteness, Nina. Your prose here belongs on a pedestal – the heart is seized while the soul is stirred… 🙂

    Like

  3. Craig McGray says :

    Reblogged this on From Bright Minds Come Dark Things and commented:
    Utterly Shattered ~ The latest from Nina D’Arcangela and Pen of the Damned.

    Like

  4. Craig McGray says :

    I read through this several times, Nina. What an amazing piece!

    Like

  5. Lilith Athame says :

    It takes a great deal to stir me from my Darkness at this time and yet I would feel utterly amiss did I not do so to say simply that this…was perfection. You are easy to adore Nina. Blessed Be. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jonolsonauthor says :

    Loved your piece this week, Nina! Very lyrical, haunting and dark. It evokes many images and emotions in just a few paragraphs! Simply stunning!

    Like

    • Nina D'Arcangela says :

      Thank you, Jon! This is meant to be a discussion with oneself that should take place between two people, but how do you say these words and not wound; or give full ground? I hope most will pardon the absence of direct horror, but I adore writing angst ridden pieces like this one… as much as I love eviscerating bunnies with my words! I’m so glad you liked it! 😀

      Like

  7. blazemcrob says :

    Such a sweet, haunting piece this week, Nina. Discussions with oneself can bring about greater insight into what the soul has entwined within it. I love this story. 😀

    Blaze

    Like

    • Nina D'Arcangela says :

      Thank you, Blaze! When I first wrote this piece, it was extremely painful and hopeful at the same time. I still feel the beauty of the words, but their meaning carries a poignant reminder for me, though it doesn’t diminish how much I enjoyed/suffered through writing it; and what are we without our suffering. lol I’m glad you liked it. 😀

      Like

  8. Thomas Brown says :

    Beautiful and ferocious, Nina. No one can tap into emotion and turn it into such resonant writing quite like you can.

    Like

  9. Magenta Nero says :

    beautifully written Nina, I really enjoyed this read and found it both torturous and healing, it’s a relief to step out of the confines of story writing and just let it pour freely. xx

    Like

  10. Hunter Shea says :

    You know you’ve established your ‘voice’ when a reader can take in the first line and know exactly who penned it. Exquisitely poetic. Love your stuff!

    Like

    • Nina D'Arcangela says :

      Ahhh, foul wretch!
      Thou doth twist my snarl further to grin, allowing the fetid stench from deep within, to bellow forth through crags of ragged maw.
      I shall feast upon desiccated fodder, whilst echoes of thine lyric dance mad totter, upon perverse wit which do haunt corridors of mine own matter.

      😀 Thanks, Hunter! Glad you liked it – big hugs, Monster Man! *mwah*

      Like

  11. Tyr Kieran says :

    Exquisite pain! Beautifully written for all to bare, this is a lyrical tug at the heart. The ache is palpable. Very stirring, Nina. Loved it!

    Like

    • Nina D'Arcangela says :

      Thank you Tyr! I’m glad you liked it!! Pain, as horrific as it is to endure, is a thing of beauty when pulled to pieces and examined under a looking glass. It screams ‘you’re alive’ whilst it kills you ever so slowly! lol Thanks FP!! Big hugs! 😀

      Like

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